I decided to make a secret blog. Writing manually always fails me due to other peoples’ sneaky tendencies, and let’s face it…typing easier and cheaper. I just want this to be for myself.

I’ve been partying too hard lately. Half of me thinks that it’s not a big deal and this is my last summer to live it up before moving to New Mexico. The other half thinks I’m being a fucking idiot. It’s probably a little bit of both. I feel a renewed sense of freedom since Jordan and I broke up. I can’t believe it finally ended and neither of us really has a begging desire to speak to the other. It makes it much easier and when I look back on that piece of shit relationship, I smile a little bit because I got out of it. And right now I’m through the hard part. At least I think so. Rae told me I’m very impulsive just like her. I think she is right. Namely for a few reasons…

Despite those few reasons…of course I would fall for someone who I have this weird as fuck connection with. With three months to go in Omaha. I really can’t recall any other time in my life when I have met someone and just felt very natural and peaceful around them. We rarely run out of conversation and when we do the silence is okay.

Of course…he doesn’t really have time to talk on the phone anymore since starting his new job. I know he works a lot, but I still don’t know if I’m getting strung along or not…either way I’m just going with it.

I’m scared as fuck to move. Petrified. I feel like an idiot for jumping the gun how I did. I feel like if I don’t get into IFDM I will be a failure and my entire trip down there will be pointless… I don’t want to feel isolated while I’m away, although I’m preparing for those feelings. They are bound to be felt at some point or another and the universe knows I’m feeling them now despite being surrounded by people half the time.

Maybe I will write later…still a little hungover and StONeD, man.